Ridiculous Things My Mother Says

Mother: May be you were destined to get into SBI PO so you could meet someone there.

Me: I am not going to marry an SBI PO and turn into my parents.

Mother: Well, maybe you two will have a lot in common. Maybe he’ll be an IAS reject like you.

Me: Thanks so much, one should learn the art of subtlety from you.


 Finally after four years of slogging at the grindstone, my first UPSC Civil Services interview is 9th March 2018. Please, please pray that I get through this time.


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December Mini Journals ~ 3

December 21

It is only 4 in the afternoon but I doubt anything more interesting will happen later so I am writing this entry early. Yesterday my mother came back from a visit to our doctor who gifted her a pen to congratulate me on getting into SBI. It is a special kind of pen whose ink smells of (artificial) roses when you write with it on paper. Today I finally got my letter of appointment from SBI so now there is no doubt that I am in and have a secure job for life, if I should choose to keep it. I spent my afternoon watching ashtanga yoga videos on youtube in order to memorize the sequence of the primary series. I don’t remember the sequence at all and my instructors get pretty exasperated with me when I keep asking for prompts as to the next posture.

December 22

I finished the crown finally. My friend Prachi recommends that I watch Mindhunters next. So I’ve asked Khushboo to go over to her house to watch it – I am not a huge fan of watching things by myself. Today I fell on my face while doing yoga in my class and it was so embarrassing. I cut my lip a little bit too. Later we went to someone’s house warming party and my mother forced me to dress up in an Indian salwar suit, and I am so used to being dressed in track pants that I positively felt like a tomboy forced to dress up like a girl. Everyone there was talking to me so fondly and admiringly and this was my first experience of being shown some respect due to my newly found status as an employed youth. I could get used to this. I am flying out next week and I still haven’t written that letter to my grandfather, now it makes more sense to carry it with me to hand to him rather than post it by mail, should I decide to write it now.

December 23

I packed my suitcase to leave next week. I was going around showing my family the cut on my lip and my sister said I was one of those people who rarely get an injury so that when they do get hurt once in a blue moon, they have to rush to the mirror every few minutes to examine their ‘battle scars’. I laughed at that because I was in front of a mirror inspecting my lip when she said it. I lay down in the afternoon even though I wasn’t sleepy because I couldn’t think of anything else to do – I was that bored. In the evening I went shopping with my parents for groceries and now I am waiting for my father to finish cooking chicken biryani so we can have dinner. I have begun reading Choices by Shivshankar Menon, on the off chance that I get an interview call for UPSC. We watched a movie called Shallow Hal on TV. I am also re-reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I find both her most famous books delusional at best.

December 24

My parents are really indulging me. Today we went for lunch to one of my favourite restaurants for no reason other than that I am leaving the city soon, potentially for a long time. Later we went to check out a patisserie that came highly recommended on zomato. It was overpriced, but good quality. I began reading a book by Scott Berkun called Confessions of a Public Speaker. Twitter intimidates me – everyone is so smart and well read on twitter, it makes me feel anxious about my own ignorance on things. I finally finished that letter to my grandfather. Just found out about an iconic bookstore in Delhi called Bahrisons. Am pissed that I lived there for five years without ever coming across its name.

December 25

I didn’t even realize it was Christmas all day. I spent most of the day trying to get my phone linked to Aadhar. I really don’t want to do it, and I hate myself for going with the flow just because it is the easier and more convenient option. Privacy is not only about ‘having something to hide’. The evening I whiled away playing chess with my sister and peeling a whole kilo of peas for my parents. We prefer fresh peas rather than frozen peas but someone has to peel them all. At night, we watched The Sound of Music on TV and I annoyed everybody by preempting the dialogues before they were spoken in the movie. I must have watched that movie more than 50 times in my lifetime, at least.

December 26

Today I spent the day at Khushboo’s, marking it as the last time We tried to watch Mindhunter on the recommendation of my friend Prachi but it was a terrible show and we switched midway to Tallulah, which I was unable to finish so I read the plot on Wikipedia. Today my sister and I chose to play Jenga instead of our usual chess. Malcolm in the Middle has finished its run and will be replaced by That 70s Show so now we don’t know what we will do with out time from tomorrow.

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December Mini Journals ~ 2

December 11

I really did not want to continue writing mini journals but I also want to make a conscious choice of not turning into the type of person who leaves everything midway so here I am, typing away the second edition. My sister and I have begun playing a lot of chess these days; I wonder if it is a passing fad or if she will continue to enjoy it like I do. I play regularly on chess.com but of course I am not serious enough to work on my strategy or anything. I simply play and try to learn from experience. Today my sister came home with the funniest story. She had a geography exam at school and in the middle of it she took a bathroom break. Whilst there she noticed a locked stall so she slid up to it and whispered, “Excuse me, are you a geography student?” But there was no reply. As she was washing her hands, who should emerge from the stall but her geography teacher, saying, “Yes, I am a student of geography.” But thankfully she was smiling. I realize how pathetic this makes me look, who uneventful my life is that even my mini journals on my personal blog are peppered with stories of my sister.

December 12

It’s my mother’s birthday today, and also a Tuesday. My father got a cake in the morning, but we couldn’t cut it because my sister was at school. My mother offered to cut the cake regardless, so we could snack on it throughout the day, but in the end we didn’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings. All day I longingly eyed the cake and wondered if my family would mind terribly if I ate a piece without it being officially cut first, but then better judgment prevailed. We went out for dinner and watched Malcolm in the Middle on the television, which has replaced Modern Family as our new favourite family show.

December 13

Khushboo got me hooked on to The Crown and so I am wasting my life watching it. I try to convince myself that it is educative, almost like a documentary, but I am not delusional. I hate Netflix, but I thank my stars every day that I didn’t let myself get hooked on to Game of Thrones at least. It is still early as I type this, I am hoping to write a letter to my grandfather today. Also, a little of the cake is still left, so that’s my evening snack – chocolate cake and milk.

December 14

The Crown is such a clearly superior show to Freaks and Geeks that I feel embarrassed for having recommended it to Khushboo. I spent the day trying to write my sister a non-cheesy poem as a going away present. I am very unhappy about the prospect of joining SBI. All I want in life is to become an Indian Foreign Service officer. Watched a Youtube video of a girl brandishing her body hair and calling everyone else a hypocrite for waxing and shaving. I have many thoughts on the subject of women’s body hair, maybe I will write a post on it. Dinner was methi ka parantha, which is my favourite kind of parantha (obviously after aloo ka parantha).

December 15

Finished season 1 of The Crown. Went for yoga for an hour. Returned. Watched Malcolm in the Middle and then Modern Family. Am sitting typing this now. It has been the same story every single day this December. I wish the mains result would come already and put me out of my misery.

December 16

My father was out of station today so my mother, sister and I went out for dinner. In the morning my sister and I played chess in the sun out on the balcony, and ate some pomegranate. I began season 2 of the crown. In the evening like I said we went out for dinner and had a really nice banoffee pie and lemon drizzle cake in a patisserie owned by this chef who graduated from Cordon Bleu in Paris, which, as I’m sure you know, was also where Julia Child graduated from. It was a nice experience. We ate a dinner of sarson ka saag and makki ki roti, which was delicious. Read the short story Cat Person in New Yorker magazine. Deeply touched. Ended day by watching Keeping Up With the Joneses on TV.

December 17

Parents took me out shopping for clothes in anticipation of my new job in SBI in a new city. I threw a tantrum in the shopping mall and refused to buy anything. Shopping for clothes to dress for a job I don’t even want has a ring of finality to it – that UPSC is a dream dead and buried. I finished reading the book Make It Stick, which is about the scientific methods of learning. It was quite enlightening, and I realized that I used to inadvertently adopt those methods while I was in school but abandoned them in college. Had dosa sambhar for dinner, and also some jasmine green tea, which is my favourite brew of tea.

December 18

It was a Monday, and either a full moon or a new moon due to which I found myself in my yoga class as the only one who had brought her yoga mat with her. I was told that one didn’t do ashtanga yoga on a full/new moon day so I did cardio exercises instead, with the others. It was very intense. I spent most of the evening chatting online with my college friend Prachi about the nuances of the story The Cat Person. As ardent feminists, both of us were deeply touched by it and were filled with despair and disgust in equal measure for those who did not appreciate it the way we do (this does not include you Khushboo!) In the evening my father and I worked frantically to finish another SBI test. Although the deadline for all the tests is 28th, I received an email a few days ago which said that if I finished all the tests by the 20th, they would be extra pleased with me. And so I am bending over backwards trying to please SBI, and to what avail? I am trapped in the system.

December 19

There is no escaping Meghan Markle. The newspapers shout the headline to me that she is to become a royal princess by marrying Harry on May 19th. That used to be my special date. That was the day of my 15 minutes of fame when I topped my state in the class 12 board exams. And now she has stolen it from me. Khushboo came to visit today as I am leaving in ten days to join SBI training. We watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and went out to lunch and talked a lot. My suitcases are out and there is no escape – I am packing to go away.

December 20

I read Seth Godin’s The Dip. I think Seth Godin is good for witty aphorisms but really not a very good book writer. I love Wednesdays because the television takes care of my evenings and I don’t have to make decisions on how to spend my time – one hour of Malcolm in the Middle, followed by Modern Family, followed by Brooklyn Nine Nine (I love this show). I spent the rest of the night trying to finish John McPhee’s The Levels of the Game in New Yorker Magazine. I wasn’t sure how many free articles I have left this month so I didn’t want to shut my computer and waste another free access on the same article again. I have a half written letter to my grandfather that I should really get on with finishing. I have cramps in my stomach just thinking about the UPSC result.

To end this edition of journals, here are my top three favourite love stories on the screen-

  1. Brooklyn (with Saoirse Ronan)
  2. The Fault in Our Stars
  3. Jim and Pam from The Office


Posted in Personal Musings | 4 Comments

December Mini Journals ~ 1

December 1

I joined ashtanga yoga this week and have just returned from the yoga studio to type this. I had given it up for four months to prepare for the civil services exam but I have mentioned it as a hobby in my interview form and God willing if I get an interview call I want to be able to look the board in the eye and tell them how much I enjoy practicing it. Of course, the reality is that after four months of sitting on my butt my body is stiff and I am most certainly not enjoying practicing it at all at the moment. But I am good at it so I persevere. I also reward myself with a decadent cheese sandwich the moment I get home so I am not complaining. I am also reading the book called “Making It Stick” on effective learning.

December 2

Went for ashtanga at 7 in the morning, body was stiffer than usual and it was agony for those two hours. Washed my hair later with an Ayurvedic hair powder but it clung to my hair no matter how much I rinsed. The result looked like I had a whole colony of dandruff on my scalp which was very embarrassing. I studied a little for the pre-joining tests that SBI is making us take before they even offer the appointment letter. In the evening I went for a movie with Khushboo and took my sister out of pity. My mother tagged along as well. The movie was Murder on the Orient Express but as I had read the book before and because they killed off Johnny Depp in the first half hour, I was not impressed. Also, did not get to spend as much time with Khushboo as I would have liked; I had so much pent up gossip and analysis to discuss with her on the subject of Meghan Markle.

December 3

Today was a Sunday, and quite stressful as the whole family was home, although we do have our laughs. I woke up early and did some Youtube and just found out that Selena Gomez had a kidney transplant. Sad is the day when you find out your technologically-challenged mother is more in tune with Hollywood celebrity gossip than you are. Father made pancakes for breakfast but I also had All Bran cereal which I am really liking these days. We went for monthly grocery shopping afterwards and I ate ice cream sandwich in the car on the way back. My parents and sister went out in the evening for some shopping and for my sister’s music class. I spent the time catching up on Season 3 of Mom on the television. I just watch it to give it TRPs so they don’t take it off – I like the show. Later we watched the movie Eddie the Eagle and right now I’m waiting for my father to finish cooking chicken so we can eat dinner. I am also really looking forward to the Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream I bought today, to try out after dinner.

December 4

I’m actually typing this out on the 5th as my father and I stayed up till midnight trying to finish one of SBI’s stupid tests in the pre-joining course. What did I do yesterday? I think I slept most of the morning and went for yoga at 5 pm. This girl friended me up there last week, and yesterday she was wearing a thick sweatshirt which was uncomfortable and she turns to me and says, “I’m going to have to borrow your fleece jacket.” And she took my jacket to wear on her bare body and sweated through that hour of yoga and gave me back the soiled jacket at the end of it and it was all I could do not to say, “Burn it for me, will you?” I’ve given it for washing now. I had to come back freezing on my scooter without my jacket. Update on the ice cream – it has actual bits of cake in it, which I don’t like.

December 5

Today started out with my sister and me going to a cafe near our house to get some studying done. We had our usual order of carrot cake and darjeeling tea and worked for a solid two hours. Eventually it got too loud so we returned home and switched on the TV only to find a Jimmy Fallon movie called “Fever Pitch” or “The Perfect Catch” (the information box showed both names). I have the book by Nick Hornby, I think I am going to read it soon. In the afternoon I found and began watching a new show vulgarly called “Scrotal Recall” which Netflix has now gentrified into “Lovesick”. It’s a quirky show and fills you with the warm, glowing feeling of knowing you’ve stumbled upon a gem that isn’t mainstream yet and it’s all your own to savour. In the evening Khushboo ruined the good streak of the day by informing via email that civil services mains results are expected in December itself. I am worried mostly because my horoscope for December does not have a good forecast. Also, if I don’t get this interview call, I am turning this blog from a civil services blog to a rookie banker’s blog. Sigh…

December 6

Spent most of the day trying to finish Scrotal Recall. It was a hectic morning as my mother decided Wednesday is a good day to make Idli-Sambhar from scratch before work so it was total chaos and tempers were lost and I was the butt of a lot of it. Today my juice guy from whom I buy fresh wheatgrass juice looked at me with newfound respect because usually I drive there on my scooter but today it was so cold in the morning that my mother talked my father into driving me there in his big sedan car and I felt like a celebrity while getting out of it. My sister had a terrible stomachache so to take her mind off it I sat and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding with her (her first time, my probably eleventh time). Watched Brooklyn Nine Nine at 9 and it was a good episode today. I was saying to my sister, “enjoy your youngerness while it lasts,” and she said, “you mean youth.” I swear, adding “ness” after every word began as an attempt at being cute but now it has just made me really lazy and sloppy with my grammar.

December 7

It is my grandfather’s “birthday” today, so we wished him on the phone. I finished all episodes of Scrotal Recall. As if SBI wasn’t working me enough, they sent me a crossword puzzle on banking today, which was kind of fun to do but seriously, they haven’t even given me my appointment letter yet and they’re making me do all this work. I heard from an old college friend Arushi, which was nice. I fought with my sister per usual, wrote an email to my pen friend Gemma, and we had a guest over for dinner so I cleaned the house for my parents and tried to be generally very helpful. I really, really want to start a Bullet Journal, but am too lazy to do it. I hope I start it on the 10th.

December 8

I am ashamed of how little I have to account for my days because I literally do nothing in them. Ashtanga Yoga is becoming easier on my body, to the extent that I have begun enjoying it a little bit. I ate a whole packet of Maggi noodles by myself (unheard of in this house) because I was feeling a little down in the dumps. In the evening my sister and I played chess together. She saw the game to the end in a very sportsmanlike way and I asked her why she agreed to play so readily. She said she wanted to bond with me before I left. She killed my queen and the next move I made we realized only after a while that it was a checkmate and that I had won. I said I was such a badass and my sister said she was bad and an ass at the game.

December 9

Morning was lazy. The neighbours had a puja ceremony of some sort, and my mother made me sit for it for a whole hour. The entire time I remember thinking – the minutes pass so slowly, and the hour goes by so fast. After lunch my mother and I went shopping. I have been living at home for two years, and most of that time was spent in pyjamas. Now that I am starting a new job I am in desperate need of a wardrobe overhaul. But we didn’t find anything good today so we came back empty handed. I spent the evening devising a reading list for 2018 of the books I want to finish. I think 150 is a sufficiently ambitious target for a year – that comes down to three books a week more or less. I am also planning the layout for my bullet journal, I am hoping it makes me more productive.

December 10

The one thing I will miss most about my current home is that it’s barely a 100 meters from this bookstore that lets you sit around and read books. There’s a cafe on the floor above it (advertises itself as ‘mostly organic’ – can I pick out the un-organic bits please?) that we love going to for carrot cake. But today we had a blue cheese and walnut pizza which taught me for future reference that I don’t like blue cheese. I finally made my bullet journal, I am hoping it will help me be more productive in life. I am desperately praying that I get an interview call at least. You might not think it from reading this blog, but I used to be a brilliant student in school with great promise. How pathetic would it be if it turns out I peaked in school. I’m wondering if I should start watching a new TV show…

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SBI PO Thoughts – UPSC Backup/ ‘Plan B’

Parents insisted that I shouldn’t put all eggs in one basket. Increasingly defensive position of dedicatedly preparing for one exam for three years with not even an interview call to show for it made me reluctantly agree to try my hand at other competitive exams. Filled up Staff Selection Commission form last year only to later realize that it was for clerical positions. Decided would much rather spend life as unemployed bum than take up a clerical job which would simply hurt pride too much to be worth any of the concomitant perks.

This year Ma showed the newspaper advertisement for SBI PO recruitment and requested I consider applying for it. Consider I did. Parents reassured me they didn’t expect anything out of it – go with a free mind, they said. That’s what I did.

My preliminary thoughts on the exam – it isn’t difficult, but it’s really lengthy and requires way more than the one hour allotted to complete the paper. It is also crazily competitive – while around 11 lakh apply for UPSC civil services every year, around 30 lakh apply for SBI PO every year. Lastly, it doesn’t require too much by way of preparation. I gave it two days of prep, but I think two weeks or so would be sufficient. The strategy is to increase your speed for the types of questions you are already comfortable with. And to wisely leave alone questions that would take too much time to solve.

I don’t want to spend the next thirty years of my life being a banker. I have the consciousness of being me for a limited lifespan ( a few twirls around the sun, as Mike Spencer Bown puts it), and then I will be dead forever after, and I don’t want to spend the greater chunk of that precious consciousness in the experience of being a banker of all things. I know SBI hasn’t laid out a red carpet for me or anything, and there’s no guarantee I am going to clear it, but still. (Later Edit: I cleared it comfortably) There has to be more adventure to life. I mean, everyone wants to read “An Autobiography of a Yogi”. Who wants to read about the life of a banker?

All I want in life right now is to clear the civil services exam. It is my Moby Dick and I am Ishmael. I am obsessed.

My dad waited outside the center for me as I finished the preliminary exam. He said tentatively, there’s an officer in one of my branches whose son appeared for UPSC interview this year. He changed his optional from Geography to Philosophy which he believes was instrumental in helping him clear mains. Do you want to consider taking Philosophy this year?

All I said was, I have already filled the form for this year, no changes can be made anymore, so there’s no point discussing it right now.

It turned out that I cleared the preliminary exam by a hair’s margin. I had less than two months for the main exam. I decided to spend one day prepping for it, not because I have any confidence in my abilities but because it was only two weeks before my Civil Services Preliminary Exam which occupies a more important place in my life.

There are five sections in the SBI PO Mains Exam. The first section is reasoning. You have to figure out stuff like who is wearing the red shirt among a group of five friends attired in different coloured clothing, or the blood relations between a set a of people based on certain information. I am really good at reasoning actually. As long as things don’t involve numbers, my brain is super logical and rational. The second section is English, which I think I did really well, and if I scored less than stellar marks in that section, it’s because the folks at SBI need to brush up their English, not me. The third section was “Data Interpretation” which just had a lot of probability sums that I am really bad at. Needless to say, I tanked this section. The fourth was Banking Awareness, which thanks to my extensive GK preparation for Civil Services, I was comfortable with. The last section was my forte – Essay Writing, and this was what I was relying on to get me through.

I did not have much hope of clearing but I remained optimistic, mostly because I am very condescending towards any exam that is not the civil services. I waited for two excruciatingly long months and found out in August 2017 that I had cleared the second stage as well. Now all that remained was the interview, and most of you readers have not met me in real life, but you can take my word for it that I am exceedingly competent at interpersonal communication. I can be charming even, if the situation warrants. And this interview certainly warranted charm.

My interview took place in the middle of September, and again I was pressed for time because my Civil Services Main exam was in October. So I didn’t have any time to prepare for it and decided to rely solely on my charms and confidence to breeze through. Since I am writing this post in November I do not exactly recall the details of the interview, but all I remember is being an asshole about it. What I mean is that overtly I was humble and smiling, but internally this douchebaggy thought was running in my head – I am a civil services aspirant, therefore I am likely more informed and aware about current events than my interview board, and so I answered all questions with a supreme confidence that bordered on delusional. I think it paid off because the interview board didn’t do too much cross questioning. Everything was very perfunctory.

I met some nice people at the interview, other candidates who were my age, and I realized how starved I have been for company of other people my age. The only other people I hang out with are Smriti and Khushboo, and they might as well be my clone because they live my life exactly – isolated, civil services aspirants eking a millennial existence in their parents’ houses. So they don’t exactly count.

Three days before my Civil Services Main exam the interview result came out and although I was borderline confident of clearing, nothing is certain till the search result shows a 1/1 match with your roll number in the list of successful candidates. Now I am officially a Probationary Officer in State Bank of India. I am not proud enough of this fact to tell a lot of people. I have only told people that I interact on a regular basis. And of course, I am telling people who read this blog.

I have been living in my parents’ house for two years now as a 20-something year old and so it feels unreal and surreal to think that I am going to be leaving soon to set up my own household. I leave on the 28th of December, and I only hope adventure awaits. I can’t help thinking about what PM Modi said once about the unemployment problem in India. The fact is that there are plenty of jobs available for the taking. And there are plenty of job seekers out there as well. The rising unemployment is not because there are no jobs, but because snotty faced privileged brats such as myself think it beneath them to take up those jobs. We would much rather languish in our parents’ houses than condescend to do jobs that are below our skill set. I am ashamed to say that SBI barely qualifies as a job that I would take under any other circumstances. But I am 26 now and slightly desperate.

Sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason to life. The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. You deal as best as you can.


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Myriad Thoughts from the Sunday Following the Mains Exam

  1. Religion – My mother has a saying that you can judge the amount of sin in someone’s life by the amount of time they spend in places of worship. I’m not sure if people’s motivations in temples is so much to ask for forgiveness as it is to ask for fortune and luck. I don’t like asking for things usually, not from God anyway. I disagree with Gandhi on many accounts but I think it was genius when he said that duty comes before rights. I do believe in doing good karma, and only then should rewards be expected.
  2. Ethics – Keeping in vein with my Mother’s thoughts on religion, I believe the Ethics exam in Civil Services to be flawed. I believe the more you have the need to justify your actions, the more suspicious your motivations are. So the Ethics exam, which asks you to scrutinize your every action in mock-situations, is woefully inadequate in judging the true mettle of one’s moral character. Exams to judge one’s ethics should be short and to the point, I feel. Like Satya Nadella was narrating the story of his job interview in Reader’s Digest magazine. The guy asked him, “if you see a baby crying on the road with no one attending to it, what would you do?”. Nadella says, “I would call 911.” To which the interviewer replies, “No, you have to pick up the baby man. You have to show some empathy.” That’s how questions on the ethics paper should be – describe in a couple of lines, what would you do?
  3. Marriage – For some reason the thought of people getting married makes me barf these days. I feel guilty about attending weddings because all I am thinking is that the two poor souls are simply throwing their lives away. Some of the more barf inducing reasons to get married are- because you are of marriageable age, because your parents want you to, because it’s the next logical step after establishing a career, and the most barf inducing of all – because you are in love. Now I don’t want to sound judgmental but I feel there should be more solid ground for two people to want to team up for life. They should be exactly that – a team on a mission together, chasing a shared dream together. They should be Frank and Claire Underwood, sans all the murdering and the backstabbing. They can also be like George and Amal Clooney, but only because I suspect they eventually hope to make either George President of the United States of America or Amal the first woman UN Secretary General. One of the two is on their horizon, I am certain. That’s the kind of marriage I would want. I mean, if you just want someone to grow old with, cats suffice, you know.
  4. Amol Palekar – He’s my favourite actor of all time. Not especially for his skills but for his choice of genre. His films make me nostalgic for a time I never experienced myself. They are so forward thinking, they are such clean fun, and they are so innocent that it is difficult to find fault with them. After my exams, I have been spending my time watching his movies, kindly uploaded by the producers themselves on Youtube, so I don’t even have to worry about the legality of it. Back to Golmaal, that’s all for now!




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How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People

  1. Find out your best friend is getting married two weeks before your civil services main exam.
  2. Promise her months in advance that of course you’re going to be there for her.
  3. Ask your parents to spend money and book your flight tickets.
  4. Chicken out of going two days before the wedding.
  5. Ask your parents to lose money and cancel your flight tickets.
  6. Send a cowardly email to friend apologizing profusely.
  7. Wallow in self loathing.
  8. Wait for karma to bite you in the ass.


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